It took Thor's breath away, when Loki spoke of his banishment. The wound was still far too fresh, and the older brother staggered back a step, looking grievously hurt.
Thor had difficulty speaking of his banishment at all, but refuting it was very nearly impossible for him. And he was now put into a situation where he had to speak honestly of it. To explain, without the safer method of claiming that their father's assessment had been right. To own what he'd done and what he'd not done, and to lay those weaknesses bare. To a man who had stabbed and disowned him.
For a moment the risk felt like too much. To overwhelming and terrible, with so little to be gained in return. But he couldn't let Loki go on thinking this. It was Thor's to explain, though just the thought of doing so seemed to put pressure on his chest.
"I never claimed I was worthy." The words came out sounding as though they were some sort of extracted blade. Pained, haggard determination along with vulnerability.
"I had no wish to destroy their world." Thor's stuttering breaths only further emphasized his tears, which caused his nostrils to flare in annoyance at himself. Did he really have to further complicate this by crying??? Loki needed him, now!
"I had no wish to fight any, but those who had caused me a temporary loss. And for that, yes, I would have had war." It was shameful to admit, and Thor felt as though he'd be sick doing so, but he forced himself to continue onward.
"Even then, I would not allow myself to fight, until I'd thought Asgard threatened. But that was not my reason for fighting." So terribly ashamed, the Thunderer couldn't bring himself to look up at his brother. He didn't know how to cease crying either, and instead squared his jaw.
"I did not choose it... because they were jotunn. I chose it because I was a fool and would have fought any force in my way. Not their people. Their military force. Over... nothing."
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Thor had difficulty speaking of his banishment at all, but refuting it was very nearly impossible for him. And he was now put into a situation where he had to speak honestly of it. To explain, without the safer method of claiming that their father's assessment had been right. To own what he'd done and what he'd not done, and to lay those weaknesses bare. To a man who had stabbed and disowned him.
For a moment the risk felt like too much. To overwhelming and terrible, with so little to be gained in return. But he couldn't let Loki go on thinking this. It was Thor's to explain, though just the thought of doing so seemed to put pressure on his chest.
"I never claimed I was worthy." The words came out sounding as though they were some sort of extracted blade. Pained, haggard determination along with vulnerability.
"I had no wish to destroy their world." Thor's stuttering breaths only further emphasized his tears, which caused his nostrils to flare in annoyance at himself. Did he really have to further complicate this by crying??? Loki needed him, now!
"I had no wish to fight any, but those who had caused me a temporary loss. And for that, yes, I would have had war." It was shameful to admit, and Thor felt as though he'd be sick doing so, but he forced himself to continue onward.
"Even then, I would not allow myself to fight, until I'd thought Asgard threatened. But that was not my reason for fighting." So terribly ashamed, the Thunderer couldn't bring himself to look up at his brother. He didn't know how to cease crying either, and instead squared his jaw.
"I did not choose it... because they were jotunn. I chose it because I was a fool and would have fought any force in my way. Not their people. Their military force. Over... nothing."